Aileen Smith .
Self Growth
Phone 0405331575


  Specialist Marriage, Relationship and Personal Counselling


Where's the Sugar, Honey?

Posted by Aileen Smith on April 4, 2009 at 3:13 PM




Where's the Sugar, Honey?

In my relationship counselling sessions at my Gold Coast Office I find most people have been in this situation with someone in their life ? be it a parent or friend or boss etc. but when your Honey stops being ?sweet? in a relationship, then things between you get mucky and yukkie! AFFECTION IS THE SWEET EXPRESSION OF LOVE! It is NOT a BARTERING TOOL! If the affection stops happening between two people who are supposedly in love with each other ? Get to the counsellor NOW!


The loss of affection within a couple by one or both partners is a ?siren of descent.? It?s going to be all downhill from there! So, as soon as you realize the loving, touching, easy ?sweetness? has left your relationship on either or both sides, it?s time to get help, before the love totally dies.


A relationship is like a plant. It is a living, growing thing. When you bring the plant home beautiful, green, flowering and healthy, if you water it, put it in the right spot and fertilize it, it will continue to delight you. Bring it home all beautiful and healthy and don?t water it, put it in the wrong spot, don?t fertilize it and NEGLECT it, it will shrivel and die! When your relationship is in its first bloom, it is like the new plant. Just like the plant if you don?t nurture it with attention and affection and intimacy, caring and respect, laughter and fun, then your relationship ? just like the neglected plant, WILL SHRIVEL and DIE!! Nip a lack of affection ?in the bud? and get help IMMEDIATELY!



1.      By: Peter on March 22, 2008
at 10:30 pm

I just wonder what percentage of flowers who recognise the wilting and come to counselling will be saved versus those whose roots have died and can not be rescucitated.


Hi Peter,                                                                         

Thanks for your question.


In my opinion, dead is dead, but while there’s life, there’s hope.


If both partners are genuinely willing to get involved in the resusitation process, with the right help, happy relationships can result.


But, it takes two. If only one partner is willing and the other has reached the stage of “Yeah, I know, but I just can’t be bothered anymore” or their attraction interests lie elsewhere i.e. their job, another person, their hobbies etc. then, one person can’t resurrect a relationship.


I think the people who are “wilting” but come in good faith to counselling and actually move forward into a”new” and better relationship, (BOTH willing) would have an 80 -90% chance of a better life together using the learnings counselling can afford them.


Also, your choice of counsellor is paramount to success . Both partners have to like them and trust and follow the guidance they give.
I once asked a 73 year old client how she had managed to turn her life around so brilliantly and she replied- “It was easy. I just did what you told me to do!”


So, “wilting” is crisis time, crisis time is the last chance to act if it’s savable.


Very best wishes,







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